An event managers guide for challenging conversations (with anyone, from suppliers, association volunteers or new members of the Board) by Marie Taylor
As you execute great events there are always challenging conversations to be had along the way. I’ve been working with Brightelm for six months now. What I’ve observed is the type of people working in events naturally lean towards agreement and avoid confrontation. l’ve created this simple guide to help you do just that no matter who or what the circumstances are.
From experience the biggest challenges from my entire career I found were because:
I’d go into a hard conversation as if it was a “Have you got the time?” situation?
Or,
I’d be so anxious I’d put it off, lose sleep, and let an issue fester.
And
I’d still fail, forget or not know how to think it through beforehand.
A short story…
Back in the 1990’s, I ran my first event at Amsterdam Rai. I worked for Lloyds of London at the time so it was about shipping.
The AV guy was often difficult to find onsite. Often nowhere to be seen. There were extra things we needed on this one day conference that hadn’t been planned or ordered so I was keeping a note of everything that went right and wrong; for my own learning and to make sure I had every detail when the invoice came in.
Everything would have been fine had I not made the rookie error of holding my notebook – listing said problem of the disappearing AV guy – facing outward, so the he was able to read my list & the complaint I’d planned to make later.
He understandably got really angry with me, which I was unprepared for. As you can imagine, the rest of the conference was somewhat challenging to navigate!
After this and multiple difficult conversations later you realise that they can happen anywhere, anytime, and when you least expect it. The ones you know are coming, you can prepare for. Things like critiquing someone’s work, confronting someone in power about their behaviour or speaking the truth when everyone else is being silent – aka conversations that really matter. Here’s a 5 step strategy I learned through trial and error (the hard way).
1. Get clear: stay focused on the outcome you want. Positive, compassionate, gentle and a good result for everyone involved is always my aim. If we are feeling big feelings we all default to fight, flight, freeze or fawn… none of these states help you communicate effectively. (Note: when you are planning your conversation remember what you want is NOT the same as what you don’t want).
2. What’s the worst that could happen? It probably won’t happen but if it does and you’ve thought it through it won’t surprise you.
3. Less is more. What top three things need to be discussed in this conversation? You lose impact and influence if you talk for too long & go into too much detail. By trying to make too many points all in one go you risk none of your points being heard & understood. Think of it like a restaurant serving your starter, main course and dessert all at once; none are savoured and given the time and attention they deserve.
4. State the situation… State how it made you feel…state your needs and finally ask, ‘therefore would you be willing to… (and state what your ideal result would be)?’
5. Remember being powerful and kind when you communicate is the only way we change the world.
At Brightelm we have over 90 years of experience with associations and events. If you’ve got a situation you’re unsure how to handle, drop us an email and we’ll do our best to help solve your problem. (hello@brightelm.co.uk)